By now, I’m sure you all have heard about or read about or sensed coming out of the dark aether that lies between this world and that of the nether realms the existence of Jack in the Box’s new “delicacy” (read: affront to God, man, and the natural order of things) – their bacon milkshake. [...]
Posts Tagged ‘Frustration’
An Experiment Gone Awry
Posted: February 15, 2012 by kaostheory in Slice of LifeTags: Alcohol, Food, Frustration, Rage, Sex
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Love Advice For The Wayward Teenage Soul
Posted: June 26, 2011 by kaostheory in AdviceTags: Frustration, Pedophilia, Pervert, Retard Phenomena, Sex, Twilight
Although those of us at Dan Eats Cat Food.com (tell your friends, whore us out, bring us love!) are nearly omnipotent and thus unable to physically experience the trauma of making mistakes, we understand that mortals can have problems sometimes with life. And, of course, the demographic most desperately in need of our aid to [...]
Viking Blood and Bad Decisions: DECF Does Vegas 2: Saturday, Part 2
Posted: March 17, 2011 by kaostheory in UncategorizedTags: Alcohol, Food, Frustration, Music, Sex
As it is St. Patrick’s Day, I will…still not be writing this article in an Irish brogue because that is one of the most overdone journalistic/Internet website article attempts at being “fun” that exists. It’s not fun, it’s not cute and it’s not original. Instead, I’ll just listen to Dropkick Murphys and Flogging Molly and [...]
Viking Blood and Bad Decisions: DECF Does Vegas 2: Saturday, Part 1
Posted: March 16, 2011 by kaostheory in Slice of LifeTags: Alcohol, Awesome, Food, Frustration, Pervert, Sex
With the onset of Tennessee’s Spring Break, two things came into play: the homecoming of my brother, Superfly, and our subsequent return to Sin City, The Home of Devastating Hangovers…Las Vegas. Here, as per tradition, is my recounting of the trip in as much detail as I can remember. For the record, about half of [...]
The Oddest Search Results Leading to Dan Eats Cat Food: Five Time Champion
Posted: January 26, 2011 by kaostheory in InformativeTags: Frustration, Pervert, Pornography, Retard Phenomena, Sex
Happy New Year, DECFers! That’s pronounced “deck-furs” except with maybe a little bit more flourish to it. How about this? Pretend you’re German and are trying to stifle a sneeze. There. Now you have it most of the way. I suppose you’re all wondering where we’ve been. Or maybe you haven’t been wondering at all, [...]
The Eight Stages of the Loss of Internet Access
Posted: October 14, 2010 by kaostheory in Rants, Slice of LifeTags: Frustration, Pornography, Rage, Violence
In this modern world, we as human beings – and we here at DECF especially as comedy writers – thrive and almost depend on ready, waiting and infinite Internet at our fingertips. We all subsist on a constant, steady diet of social networking, time-wasting websites, email programs, sports game updates, webcomics, game cheat sites, YouTube [...]
Dan Eats Cat Food’s Inferno: Circle Six: The Desperate
Posted: May 25, 2010 by kaostheory in InfernoTags: Frustration, Pervert, Retard Phenomena, Sex, Tits
Lightning sundered the sky above us as the walls of the city, cracked and filthy gray, created a jagged horizon. Vents dotting the ground spewed noxious gases, the cores of the vents glowing a malevolent red. The path on which we walked wound serpentine through an obscene mockup of what appeared to be city streets. [...]
Musings On The Great Flood of 2010
Posted: May 7, 2010 by kaostheory in Slice of LifeTags: Alcohol, Frustration, Music, Pedophilia
Yes, it’s true. Our Man on the Street, KaosTheory, just happened to position himself – terrible luck and all – right in the middle of a once-in-five hundred years storm in good ol’ Nashville. Thankfully, he managed to make it through high, dry and relatively cleaned up. After giving him a few days of personal [...]
Don’t Be An Idiom
Posted: April 12, 2010 by kaostheory in InformativeTags: Alcohol, Frustration, Pedophilia, Pervert, Pornography, Racism, Retard Phenomena, Sex, Tits
We are not proud of what we bring to you today. Yes, it may be funny. Yes, some parts may entertain you. But it is a copout. Our head writer is feeling sluggish and uninspired so we…sigh…had to go to the vault, to the days before Dan Eats Cat Food was even a twinkle in [...]
How To Stay Entertained As A Designated Driver
Posted: April 5, 2010 by kaostheory in Advice, InformativeTags: Alcohol, Frustration, Sex
Holy balls. This hangover… (KT, I think you may have a drinking problem. – ed.) My PROBLEM is that I have a hangover that would wake the dead. (What on earth did you HAVE, you dumb asshole? – ed.) Red wine. Lots of red wine. Those tannins are sneaky little brain betrayers. (Be that as [...]
